Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize