i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
