the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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