matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
