It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
