Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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