My cat gives me a boner
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
