I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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