where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
