smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
