i already hear my dad disowning me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
