Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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