Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize