Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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