i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
