oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
