You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
