didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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