one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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