I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
