I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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