one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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