Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
