did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
