Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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