Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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