i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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