whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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