so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
