So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
