My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
