Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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