My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
