Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
