Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
