U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he shaved USA in his pubs
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
