apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
