Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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