apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
