If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
