Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
