Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
