worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
