How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
