I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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