Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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