i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
