hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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