it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
