eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
