I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
