Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
