thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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