hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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