apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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