Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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