a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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