i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
