i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
