i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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