He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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