i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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