make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
