I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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