I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
