I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
