last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
