We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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