Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.

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  (419): Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them. http://tfl.nu/vhc8
  Replies (42) Good night (6085) Bad night (672)
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  (818): View more from California

  And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.

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  (818): And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez. http://tfl.nu/551w
  Replies (4) Good night (3396) Bad night (842)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Me and my dog bond so much when im high.

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  (407): Me and my dog bond so much when im high. http://tfl.nu/9nf2
  Replies (66) Good night (7530) Bad night (963)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.

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  (914): I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day. http://tfl.nu/x5t9
  Replies (20) Good night (3681) Bad night (738)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.

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  (919): my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now. http://tfl.nu/dua1
  Replies (19) Good night (4403) Bad night (2217)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.

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  (705): You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden. http://tfl.nu/3tyu
  Replies (11) Good night (2021) Bad night (1212)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.

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  (240): YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN. http://tfl.nu/d5pr
  Replies (12) Good night (2567) Bad night (717)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron

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  (937): Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron http://tfl.nu/gvqp
  Replies (1) Good night (696) Bad night (466)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.

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  (604): You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement. http://tfl.nu/pi1i
  Replies (2) Good night (1156) Bad night (430)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Again, totally unrelated

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  (902): On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel (902): Again, totally unrelated http://tfl.nu/6fey
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (414)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.

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  (231): It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud. http://tfl.nu/k8j8
  Replies (5) Good night (605) Bad night (430)
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  (949): View more from California

  Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.

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  (949): Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young. http://tfl.nu/8x4p
  Replies (0) Good night (618) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited

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  (419): Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited http://tfl.nu/eyjk
  Replies (3) Good night (894) Bad night (424)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands

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  (330): You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands http://tfl.nu/9y5f
  Replies (1) Good night (687) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.

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  (727): I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this. http://tfl.nu/yk4h
  Replies (2) Good night (377) Bad night (328)

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