we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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