"it" just moved
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.