wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
