Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
did i walk over a car last night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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