If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
